The Paper

I don't get the paper every day. I'm supposed to get it on Wednesday and Sunday, maybe Friday, too. Sometimes I get one on Friday and/or Saturday, but I have definitely been getting a paper on Wednesday and Sunday for a while now. Living in the country, initially I had to go round and round with them to "train" them as to exactly where my driveway is, but when we finally got that ironed out the guy said, "I'll bring it right to you at your front door," and I said, "Oh, okay, then, I'll need to bring the dog in and open the gate," and he said, "Oh! I can just make sure it gets inside the gate," which he did.  I have not had to call about a missing paper since then, as they have done a good job of remembering where the driveway is and they have been good about getting the paper inside the gate.

Until about the last month or so. Lately it's been hit-or-miss as to whether the paper gets inside the gate or not. As time goes by, my newspaper delivery has been getting sloppier and sloppier. One day last week it was in the ditch such that I was unable to retrieve it. That paper is still in the ditch because I can't reach it.

Every time the paper is outside the gate I get mad. I wonder who is throwing my paper and grumble under my breath about it. Then I go through a big "How Important Is It" debate with myself. I know I could call and complain, and insist they get the damn paper inside the gate, but, from the Choose Your Battles Department, I don't want to fight that fight or be that customer. I have more important things to occupy my attention than getting involved in a power struggle with the newspaper delivery people over where the paper lands when they throw it, so I just decided to cancel the paper instead. I'm not that involved in reading the paper anyway.

It took me a few days to figure out exactly where to call. There's all kinds of numbers to call to place ads or to subscribe to the paper, but not much information available if you actually want to cancel the paper. Since it's bill-paying time, I got the phone number from the credit card statement.

A machine answers the phone when you call. If you know the extension of the party you want, that's the first option, and then they give  you options one through nine for various other departments, and of course none of them say, "if you want to cancel your paper," but the very last option is that you can press 0 to speak to a live human, so that's what I did.

I am very happy to report that I got a very nice woman with good diction (no accent, easy to understand). I told her I needed to cancel my paper. She pulled up my account, and of course they want to know why, so I explained as calmly and matter-of-factly as I could, that I live in a gated property and that I really want the paper on the inside of the gate, and they've been real good to do that until recently, and that for about the last month or so, sometimes the paper is in the driveway and sometimes it's in the ditch. Occasionally it's still inside the gate where I like it, but increasingly often it is outside the gate. I told her I didn't want to get into any big battle of wills to try to "make" whoever get the paper inside the gate - don't want to fight that fight, don't want to be that customer - so it's just easier for me to cancel the paper.

She was very accommodating, but when she tried to access my account information and it was locked! Couldn't cancel it! I said, "Oh, dear, I didn't want to have to go through the credit card company to cancel this," so she did some kind of behind the scenes hocus pocus and then called me back when it was all done to let me know the paper is canceled as of today. I shouldn't be getting any more newspapers over the gate, in the driveway or in the ditch. Problem solved!

Paper in the ditch, right about the middle of the picture.